Many people have some memories of spending time with their grandparents while growing up. Sadly, not everyone is lucky to have them in their lives.
Today’s story is a perfect example of this. The two 4-year-old girls haven’t spoken to their grandparents even once. When this fact was brought up, the grandfolks said that they simply wanted to give the family some space. Yet, looking at the broader context suggests it’s more complicated than that.
Unfortunately, not everyone can experience what it is like to grow up having grandparents in their lives
Image credits: Matheus Bertelli (not the actual photo)
A man had twin daughters back in 2020, but since then, his parents haven’t reached out to communicate with them
Image credits: Edwin Ariel Valladares (not the actual photo)
Then, one day, the father reached out, blaming his son for not wishing his mom a happy Mother’s Day despite never having wished his son or his wife a happy Parents’ Day himself
Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)
This made the man explode, saying to the father that he’s the one to talk, as he never even met his 4-year-old granddaughters
Image credits: u/MarchEmbarrassed353
The father tried to defend himself, saying he and his wife just wanted to give the family some space and that they always boast about them to strangers
The reason why the man came to complain on Reddit is the fact that ever since he and his wife had their twin daughters back in 2020, his parents haven’t made the effort to speak to them. No visit, phone call, no Facetime, nothing. The only deliberate contact they make throughout the year is to send the family a $100 Old Navy gift card.
Every Father’s Day, the OP sends his dad a text. And he always gets the standard responses of “cool” and “nice.” Yet, one Mother’s Day, the author forgot to send a text to his mom, as he was busy moving. That’s when all hell broke loose.
The typically uninvolved father decided to get involved. He told his son that he should have texted his mom. This made the man lose it. Neither his father nor his mother ever wished him or his wife a happy Parents’ Day. They haven’t even contacted their grandchildren once! And the kids are already 4 years old; there was plenty of time to do that.
So, he decided not to be silent and called the father out. He asked him why they didn’t know about their grandkids. Now, his father lost it and answered with a gaslighting answer. He called his son rude. Then, he added that they were just simply busy and were trying to give the couple space.
Well, 4 years is quite a long time of giving space, isn’t it? That’s what the OP thought, too. He mentioned this fact during the fight, which led to an interesting revelation. Or maybe deflection is a better name for it.
The father said that he and his wife constantly tell other people they’re proud of their son’s family. Apparently, they can tell this to strangers but not to the family itself. Forget about telling them they’re proud — they can’t even properly contact the family.
Image credits: Nicola Barts (not the actual photo)
One of the most common reasons why adult children and parents tend to lose touch is unaddressed issues and different expectations. The lack of communication of such feelings can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and even estrangement.
Given the context of the whole story, this reason might be at least partially the case of why the OP’s parents aren’t involved in their granddaughters’ lives. Maybe they imagine that talking to strangers about the family (if they actually did that and didn’t just lie to win an argument) and not to the family itself is enough. And since their son thinks it isn’t enough, it leads to misunderstanding.
Perhaps there are more underlying issues under this whole relationship we simply aren’t aware of. After all, it was mentioned that they never had a perfect relationship.
Or maybe, as one commenter pointed out, these parents are narcissists. For example, research data shows that between 0.5% and 5% of people in the U.S. might have narcissistic personality disorder. So, while it’s relatively unlikely, it isn’t impossible.
This commenter also mentioned the DARVO technique. It spells out “deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender.” Typically, this manipulative reaction is applied by perpetrators of wrongdoing when they’re being held accountable for their behavior. Kind of sounds like the father in the story, doesn’t it? Even the OP himself thought so.
Well, no matter what the reason behind the parents’ indifference to their grandchildren, it doesn’t change the fact that the twins don’t even know their grandparents. On the other hand, if these grandparents are manipulative people, maybe it’s for the best. As some folks online suggested, going no contact might be the only proper way to not let the family be negatively affected by them.
This didn’t please the man, and when people online pointed out that the father sounded like he was applying some manipulative tactics, the man full-heartedly agreed with it
